The Gift of Being Single

There are 90 million single adults living in America (according to a report released by the Census Bureau in 2005). That's 41% of the adult population in the U.S. That's an awful lot of people.

Unfortunately, singles have not always felt comfortable (or at home) in churches. Perhaps it's because the church provides so many programs aimed at families. Or evangelicals, rightly responding to the devaluing of marriage and family in the broader culture, unitentionally devalue the single life. Howard Vanderwell writes this:

I believe most Christians don't subscribe to the legitimacy of singleness. I am convinced that is the reason for so much pain and hurt in the church about that issue. Directly or indirectly, subtly or not so subtly, we have ascribed to the conviction that singles are unfinished business.

It's important for Christians to esteem marriage and family, because the Bible certainly does. But the Bible also esteems the single life, and even recommends it in some cases. There are a few things we ought to remember in thinking about the single life:

1.) Jesus Christ was single. He was the most complete, fully alive person who ever lived, and he never married. Thus, we cannot have the view that singleness is somehow a lesser state than marriage. Truly, "it is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18), but when we read through the Gospels, we see the wideness of Jesus' relational life. He had deep friendships with all sorts of people. And the apostle Paul was the same. If you look at Paul's letters and start to jot down the names of people he mentions and the stories he tells about them, you see a rich web of relationships. Christianity cannot devalue the single life because it's founder and chief propagator were single.

2.) Singleness is our future. This is a tough one to swallow for people who are married. But the Bible teaches that marriage (at least as we know it) will not exist in the kingdom of God (cf. Mark 12:24-25). John Piper rightly points out, "This has profound significance for the single life." It means that if two wives in this life will not be one too many, then no wives will not be one too few" (Piper, "For Single Men and Women in Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, xvii). The same reason why it is okay for a widow or widower to remarry is the reason singleness is a blessed route.

3.) The single life provides freedom and flexibility for the gospel. This is Paul's reason for wishing more would opt for the single life in 1 Corinthians 7. Rhena Taylor writes:

Being single has meant that I am free to take risks that I might not take were I a mother of a family dependent on me. Being single has given me freedom to move around the world without having to pack up a household first. And this freedom has brought me moments that I would not trade for anything else this side of eternity.

Now, being single doesn't necessarily mean you have more time. Singles are often guilted into doing too much in the church because some assume that since they are not married, they can devote every non-working moment to ministry. That's not any more true of single people than married people. But being single does offer different and unique experiences to participate in ministry.

4.) Singleness is a gift. There's a Derek Webb line that says something like "If it's a gift, how come no one wants it?" Decent question, and there are unique challenges to single life. But much of our acceptance and appreciation of anything has to do with our frame of reference. And the Bible says that the single life is a gift - a grace from God. When we view it that way, we start to fixate less on the challenges, and embrace the freedoms and opportunities. Both married and single people in the church would do well to recapture a vision for the single life as a special grace of God.