In the last post, I talked about the gift of being single. But there are some significant challenges to living a godly life as a single man or woman. There's a lot we could say, but here's two big challenges I see for single folks in our church, and ones I personally experienced as a single.
1.) Sex. Even if you're not "aflame with passion" (1 Cor 7:9) there's a longing we all have for sex. And whether you know from past experience, or simply hear it from others, you're aware that sex is enjoyable. And yet the call of the Christian single is the be chaste. That's not easy. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair. Why do they get to experience this while I'm called to be chaste?
The Bible teaches that sex is meant to communicate "I'm for you, and no other" (see 1 Cor 6:12-19). It brings a kind of closeness that can only be described as "one flesh." And thus, it's to be reserved for a man and a woman in the covenant relationship of marriage.
That's a pretty different view of sex than what most in our culture seem to believe. Many see sex as a vehicle for pleasure or fulfillment, and thus it's not that big a deal to have multiple partners. Others see sex as a basic need (not a desire, but a need), and thus the calling to be chaste is a way of robbing people of something that makes us human.
But the Biblical view is different. Sex is great, but it's not necessary. Sex is meant to communicate something specific, and when it's misused, it robs it of its meaning.
Abstaining from sex as a single person doesn't have to be awful, but it is a challenge. Especially when the culture around you keeps telling you that you're missing out on something. But the Christian's call is to remember this: what you need most in life is the Lord, not sex. And if he calls you to be single (for a time, or forever), he will supply everything that you need to enjoy and flourish in life. And you have proof of this - he gave you his Son. Will he not then then give you everything else you really need?
2.) Loneliness. One theologian called the "epidemic of loneliness" among singles a major moral failing of the church. The church is a family, and married people within the church ought to take seriously the notion of including all kinds of people (especially singles) in their family life.
If you're single, you need to be proactive in developing deep relationships. As a single, I remember hearing about a conference entitled "Marriage is For Your Sanctification." I remember sulking and thinking, "Does that mean I can't be sanctified?" The truth is, marriage and family do help with sanctification. Living in proximity with a spouse and kids has a way of smoothing out your rough edges. As a single, when things get hard relationally, it's easy to avoid the other person. But with a family, you're stuck with these people.
But the same process can happen with singles, but it's harder. You have to really be purposeful in pursuing those kinds of relationships. But as you do invest in other people, God will grow you through the ups and downs of those relationships. God will use other people to smooth your rough edges.
In Mark 10, Jesus said, "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life" (Mark 10:29-30). Many singles have discovered hundreds of family members in the church community. That's the way it should be.
So, though there are unique blessings to the single life, there are also challenges. What are some other challenges I'm missing here?
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